you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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