watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
