I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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