Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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