Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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