we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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