mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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