u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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