Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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