covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
