Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
