I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
