I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
