I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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