my phone needs a breathalizer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
