Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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