did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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