you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
