Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
