i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
