ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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