dude i'm inner monologue high
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
