I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Randomize
