Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wear drunk well.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize