it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
