TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
