the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
