dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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