Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
