so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
