i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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