Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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