what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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