Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
