Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
