he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
