Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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