Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I want a musical about memes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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