No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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