Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
