Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
