Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
