Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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