lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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