So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
