and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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