"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
