So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
