how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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