My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
