she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
