She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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