Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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