Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
