Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry about my life...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
