Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
