I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
