youre lurking in front of me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
