So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
