there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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