I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
