You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
