My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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